What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
