it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
