I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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