i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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