I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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