i think i have herpe
just one?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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