If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My dick has a subreddit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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