P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
