Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My vagina is officially offended.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize