you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
