I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We had to coat check the pizza.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
