forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
