he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
