i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
