Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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