i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
