She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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