I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
