I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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