i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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