My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize