I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
