I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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