I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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