is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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