Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
