Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
