spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
