her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
