she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
