you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
