We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
