Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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