some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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