The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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