one two three fourrrrnication!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize