Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
