Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
