i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
