someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
