...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
