turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize