He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize