Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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