"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
