woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize