ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You're like the curious george of whores
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
