cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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