Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
NoShamevember. You game?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
