I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
