now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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