I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
