i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
