his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
