Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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