Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
