where does the pee come out of this thing
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
