the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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