I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
