It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
