Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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