and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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