you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize