I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
