We're facebook friends in real life
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
