I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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