Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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