So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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