Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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