I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize