Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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