i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
