The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
