i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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